I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
