Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
