I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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