I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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