I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
