could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's blow job season.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
