I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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