remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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