Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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