If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...