I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.