Texts From Last Night

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  (409): View more from Texas

  Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.

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  (409): Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever. http://tfl.nu/fjfv
  Replies (12) Good night (916) Bad night (4122)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

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  (417): when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/gl04
  Replies (5) Good night (4029) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex

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  (760): genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex http://tfl.nu/ckcw
  Replies (33) Good night (3441) Bad night (1498)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?

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  (732): I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break? http://tfl.nu/m0ae
  Replies (8) Good night (3936) Bad night (848)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

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  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3235) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?

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  (609): is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact? http://tfl.nu/ny5t
  Replies (30) Good night (1778) Bad night (7377)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"

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  (847): I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies" http://tfl.nu/cpcz
  Replies (7) Good night (3044) Bad night (1073)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock

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  (856): Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock http://tfl.nu/vedt
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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  (206): I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling. http://tfl.nu/5feo
  Replies (6) Good night (1226) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.

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  (916): The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight. http://tfl.nu/8kai
  Replies (6) Good night (1095) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth

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  (336): Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth http://tfl.nu/r0sd
  Replies (8) Good night (1538) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING

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  (907): ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING http://tfl.nu/zq26
  Replies (7) Good night (1127) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.

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  (845): I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again. http://tfl.nu/qswf
  Replies (3) Good night (264) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.

  (469): View more from Texas

  I have the flu.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't give a shit

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  (214): I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now. (469): I have the flu. (214): I don't give a shit http://tfl.nu/yb1n
  Replies (12) Good night (1270) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.

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  (704): I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave. http://tfl.nu/v72z
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (251)

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