we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.