You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
