I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
