I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
