I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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