hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize