Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
