Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
