he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
