some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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