I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
