I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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