I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
