complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
