I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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