we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
