I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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