If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
