ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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