whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
