he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
