Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
