he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
