If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
