this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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