dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
