shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
