but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
