I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
