non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it glows. i had to have it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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