ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
