I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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