Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
