we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
