now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Who died my cat blue again?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
