Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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