I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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