Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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