Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
