i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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