the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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