my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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