I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He felt like a one man threesome
There r osticjed everywhere
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
