i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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