Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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