I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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