just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
