I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
