Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Randomize
