he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
