Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
