I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
