Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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