Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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