You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just had sex bonerless
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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