mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could make wine with my vomit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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