Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
