when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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