you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
